Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
