I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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