saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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