I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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