Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
