I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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