god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
