this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
