i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Randomize
