after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
