i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
