oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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