i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
