He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you inspire me to be a worse person
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
