i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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