It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
