So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
