the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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