who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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