I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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