Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
