alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
