Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
