WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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