You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
