we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I deserve this hangover.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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