direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
