I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
His nipple licking is glorious
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