There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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