I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
