dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Randomize
