I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
