we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
