i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
