we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
