the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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