Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
