when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
