i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
