totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
