NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
