some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
