OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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