More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
