i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
