She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
