ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
