you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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