I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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