and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
