yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
