One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
