Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
