Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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